Will The Intelligent Women Of The World, Please Stand Up

This past weekend, I met a couple of girlfriends in the city. New York City was being overly generous with its weather; it was indeed a beautiful day that weekend - perfect day to catch up with friends. We were all in our twenties; that period of time when everyone is uncertain about their future. Inevitably, that was the topic of the conversation. When it was my turn to share, I told them that I'm going to grad school next year (fingers crossed). Before I even finished talking, one girlfriend immediately cut me and said "Don't get too much education. It'll be harder for you to find a guy."

Excuse me?

I wasn't sure if she was joking or not, so I pretended I didn't hear what she said and asked her to repeat her 'advice'. She gladly repeated, "Don't study too much. Guys don't like girls who are too smart. They have pride, you know."

 

I'm not trying to be funny here, but if there's a technology that can project my thoughts at that time, you'd see explosions, huge explosions (and a penguin shaking her head - assuming it's a female penguin).

Jokes aside, she was not kidding. I was so shocked by her answer, I had to ask myself: this is 2013, isn't it? I'm not somehow transported back to the 60's, right? I mean, what. the. hell.

I've never considered myself as a hardcore feminist. I was just brought up in a family who taught me that men and women are equal; but most importantly, every man has their own flaws. Thus, when it's time for relationship, they will be partners in life. It's a partnership because no one is perfect. A partnership complements each other's strengths and weaknesses. Thinking about it now, I am extremely grateful to be brought up that way.

Honestly, that was not my first time hearing about smart girls being unattractive. Take this meme for example:

What did you see? I saw two beautiful women in really gorgeous dresses, laughing and acting silly together maybe because they were best friend. But then there's that infamous statement. Why are we pressuring ourselves to be less intelligent than what we are just to find the 'right' man? Why do we have to suppress our potential to become an amazing person who might as well change the world just because we fear that no man will want us? But most importantly, why do many women out there agree with this statement? (This meme had been shared thousands times on Facebook)

I found this very, very depressing; knowing that many women still had this kind of mindset despite the progress that we had made as a society to support women's rights and equality in the past decades. Are we going backward? Let's hope not.

Earlier last week, I started reading Sheryl Sandberg's Lean In (I'm not done reading yet, so no spoiler!). In her book she repetitively mentioned about women's fear. Fear of being too smart, too bossy, too emotional, and many others. I'm not at all an expert in this, but I think, out of all the fears that a woman has, her biggest fear is not being loved. (This is purely my opinion based on a lifetime observation - so don't shoot me if you disagree!)

Finally, I just wanted to say that writing this post had been an emotional roller-coaster ride. I felt offended, angry, depressed, sad, hopeless, sympathetic among many other feelings that I couldn't describe. I was also reminded of a question that my dad always asked me, every single time when we Skype (without fail):

Do you love yourself?

It's a simple question, really, but it's a powerful one. I finally get it now why my dad always ask me this question - I used to get annoyed when he asked me this question, I mean, how many times do you want me to say yes!! But perhaps he was trying to tell me that one should love oneself first; thus, she will appreciate her gifts and potentials and eventually find another who appreciate them as much as she does.

Is this right, dad? I'll ask him the next time we Skype!

Cheers!