Will The Intelligent Women Of The World, Please Stand Up

This past weekend, I met a couple of girlfriends in the city. New York City was being overly generous with its weather; it was indeed a beautiful day that weekend - perfect day to catch up with friends. We were all in our twenties; that period of time when everyone is uncertain about their future. Inevitably, that was the topic of the conversation. When it was my turn to share, I told them that I'm going to grad school next year (fingers crossed). Before I even finished talking, one girlfriend immediately cut me and said "Don't get too much education. It'll be harder for you to find a guy."

Excuse me?

I wasn't sure if she was joking or not, so I pretended I didn't hear what she said and asked her to repeat her 'advice'. She gladly repeated, "Don't study too much. Guys don't like girls who are too smart. They have pride, you know."

 

I'm not trying to be funny here, but if there's a technology that can project my thoughts at that time, you'd see explosions, huge explosions (and a penguin shaking her head - assuming it's a female penguin).

Jokes aside, she was not kidding. I was so shocked by her answer, I had to ask myself: this is 2013, isn't it? I'm not somehow transported back to the 60's, right? I mean, what. the. hell.

I've never considered myself as a hardcore feminist. I was just brought up in a family who taught me that men and women are equal; but most importantly, every man has their own flaws. Thus, when it's time for relationship, they will be partners in life. It's a partnership because no one is perfect. A partnership complements each other's strengths and weaknesses. Thinking about it now, I am extremely grateful to be brought up that way.

Honestly, that was not my first time hearing about smart girls being unattractive. Take this meme for example:

What did you see? I saw two beautiful women in really gorgeous dresses, laughing and acting silly together maybe because they were best friend. But then there's that infamous statement. Why are we pressuring ourselves to be less intelligent than what we are just to find the 'right' man? Why do we have to suppress our potential to become an amazing person who might as well change the world just because we fear that no man will want us? But most importantly, why do many women out there agree with this statement? (This meme had been shared thousands times on Facebook)

I found this very, very depressing; knowing that many women still had this kind of mindset despite the progress that we had made as a society to support women's rights and equality in the past decades. Are we going backward? Let's hope not.

Earlier last week, I started reading Sheryl Sandberg's Lean In (I'm not done reading yet, so no spoiler!). In her book she repetitively mentioned about women's fear. Fear of being too smart, too bossy, too emotional, and many others. I'm not at all an expert in this, but I think, out of all the fears that a woman has, her biggest fear is not being loved. (This is purely my opinion based on a lifetime observation - so don't shoot me if you disagree!)

Finally, I just wanted to say that writing this post had been an emotional roller-coaster ride. I felt offended, angry, depressed, sad, hopeless, sympathetic among many other feelings that I couldn't describe. I was also reminded of a question that my dad always asked me, every single time when we Skype (without fail):

Do you love yourself?

It's a simple question, really, but it's a powerful one. I finally get it now why my dad always ask me this question - I used to get annoyed when he asked me this question, I mean, how many times do you want me to say yes!! But perhaps he was trying to tell me that one should love oneself first; thus, she will appreciate her gifts and potentials and eventually find another who appreciate them as much as she does.

Is this right, dad? I'll ask him the next time we Skype!

Cheers!

They Say Travelling Makes You Wiser

Warning: This is gonna be a long post. Once you start reading, continue 'till the end!

So they say travelling makes you wiser. Well, I literally acquired wisdom during my travel. It's an actual wisdom in concrete form. And no, I'm not kidding.

Last Tuesday, I got my wisdom tooth pulled out. Here, in Berlin, when I'm away from home and travelling and barely have enough money to sustain myself. This tooth of mine conveniently poked my gum and the pain, oh the pain, was excruciating! I'm used to have a round face with hamster cheeks (thanks, Dad) but imagine my horror waking up to one enormous cheek. Well thanks wisdom tooth!

I know, I know, wisdom tooth doesn't actually make you wiser, the pain itself is quite atrocious. But here's a fact, travelling does make you wiser. And before you stop reading, I'm telling you, this is not another 'go travel because it will change your life forever' yada yada talk. I only speak the truth and the truth you shall get.

Let's face it. We live in a society that is based on stereotypes. When you were a kid, there must be at least this one kid that you had to 'ignore' because your friends/parents told you he/she was a bad influence. Now you're all grown up and want to explore the world but society said "You wanna go there? But the people are mean/violent/grumpy/stingy/greedy..." and the list goes on.

No. You don't get to judge how people are if you haven't even met them. It's universal truth that people will be nice if you're nice to them - and of course you will need to be careful to whom you're talking to. Stereotypes/labeling are ignorant judgements. Along my travel, I've met tons of amazing people; kind and generous people; even strangers that took me in and welcome me to their home even though we just met for 2 hours (thanks to CouchSurfing).

Stereotypes are ignorant judgements. Understand this and you'll discover a whole new different world.

Don't you sometimes think that the world is just moving too fast? Well, I do. After high school, there's SAT to study for, then college prep, then finally college. But it doesn't end there. There are loads of course works, exams, volunteer works, clubs, internships, and so on. When will this end? Probably never. You do realize after college ends there's job hunting, then 'the job' itself, then promotion then there's family to think about. There is NO friggin' end.

Travelling makes you pause and think. What have I been doing for the past years? Is this what I want to do for the next 5-10 years? Am I 'living' my life the way I wanted it to be?

Sometimes you need that moment of silence to recap a few years back and reflect on your life. Solo travelling is always a good plan to do some self reflection. This is good especially for a fourth-year college student who is still not sure of what to do next after graduation (that's moi!).

As the wise Buddha said, "If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment and all wisdom and virtue will come to him". You should be in control of your life, not the other way around.

This is to everyone who are privileged enough to receive great education yet still travel the world. Congratulations. You're better off than most people in the world. Maybe it's because of the proverb "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence"; we rarely appreciate what we have. We tend to want more; travel to more countries; buy more souvenirs or whatever. You are already better than the rest of the world to have the opportunity to travel; what more do you want?

When you travel, don't just see what's on the surface (which is usually the good touristy thing); go deeper. Volunteer for a local NGO. Work with kids at the orphanage. Support local food banks for homeless people. You can do this through a trusted volunteer organization, i.e. AIESEC. And yes, even in a well developed country, these still exist. There is no such thing as 'the greener grass'.

Truly appreciate life, and you'll find that you have more of it.

That is all the wisdom that you can get from me today. I was actually inspired to write this because of my wisdom tooth that is sitting next to my laptop (hahaha). But anyways, I hope you make it to the end of the post and this will inspire you to travel! It doesn't have to be to another country, you could go to another city/state/province. 

Wherever you go, JUST GO. Get lost and find yourself again.

Cheers!